By CAROLINE SPOSTO

Dear Caroline,

I’m a concerned grandmother who disagrees with the way my son and his wife are raising my six-year-old grandson. It seems to me that they cater to his every need, rarely letting him face challenges, and are constantly hovering around him. I don’t think this is doing him any good. How can I address my concerns without causing a rift in the family?

…Concerned Grandmother

Dear Concerned Grandmother,

It’s natural for grandparents to have concerns about their grandchildren’s upbringing. Your desire for your grandson to grow up independent and resilient is a valid one. Once a person becomes overly dependent, they’re likely to get into a mindset that they’ll be dependent forever. That said, your son and his wife are doing what they believe is best. As a grandparent, it’s fine to approach this situation once, and only once, carefully. Handling it any other way will cause unhealthy tension in the family.

Choose the right moment: Look for an appropriate time in a relaxed, private setting, apart from your grandson, where everyone can focus on the conversation.

Begin the conversation by expressing your love and gratitude. After that, you can broach the subject by saying something like, “I can’t help but notice that times have changed a lot since I was a mother. I notice you’re a lot more hands-on than I was. That got me thinking about how I can best support my grandson in growing up to be independent and resilient.”

Once you ask for their perspective, you can express yours respectfully, as long as you make it clear that your intentions are not to criticize or undermine their parenting but to support them in raising a well-rounded child.

In the end, your son and his wife’s parenting choices are theirs. After you have had this discussion, the best thing you can do for all concerned is to respect those choices and hold your tongue.

Wishing you the best,

Caroline

Do you have a problem that’s been on your mind for a while? Send your questions to: questionforcaroline@gmail.com.