By CAROLINE SPOSTO

Dear Caroline,

I’m at the end of my rope with my brother. He’s twice divorced, dresses like a teenager’ and is in the habit of asking me to lend him money, which he never pays back. He hops from venture to venture because he’s always sure the next one will offer “endless opportunities.” When he showed up at my house last night, he had his newest girlfriend on his arm. She looked to be about 20. He’s t37. He doesn’t have a drug or alcohol problem; he’s just one of those people who never grew up.

What can I do about him?

…J

Dear J,

Age doesn’t lead to maturity. Responsibility leads to maturity. A 12-year-old with real responsibilities is more mature than a 21-year-old with none. The fact that your brother is 37 and in the habit of asking you for money proves that point.

Givers, like you, need to set boundaries because takers won’t.

The next time your brother asks for a loan, say, “I love you, but I’m through lending you money. You never pay it back, and it hasn’t helped you get ahead. This has been going on for years.”

Remember, boundaries only work when you commit to them and decide your wellbeing is more important than what the other person may think or say. Set your mind to refuse delivery on guilt or drama. Regardless of what your brother may tell you, you’ve done nothing wrong. If that solution seems too cut and dry, you might offer, instead, to help him with his resumé and job search, but don’t be surprised if he’s less interested in that form of assistance.

Here’s to standing firm.

Caroline

Do you have a problem that’s been on your mind for a while? Send your questions to: questionforcaroline@gmail.com.