U.S. President Donald J. Trump. Photo: Wikipedia


General Salvador Cienfuegos arrived back in Mexico on Wednesday, Nov. 18, with all charges against him in the United States — for a myriad of crimes allegedly committed while he was the country’s defense secretary (between 2015 and 2017) — suddenly dropped by U.S. Attorney General Bill Barr.

Not just you, but practically everyone in the media and diplomatic community in Mexico was left scratching their head and wondering what happened.

Here, then, is a hypothetically version of the phone that might have — or might not have — taken place between Donald Trump and Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO):

— Come on Don, please, don’t rock the boat for me. I’ve never made waves for you.

— Look AMLO, I still say it again: Mexicans are the worst crooks in the world, except, of course, you. You’re fair and square and as a last gesture of appreciation for your and Peña Nieto’s wonderful support, what can I do for you?

— Easy. Just let us Mexicans handle the Cienfuegos case. Those damn DEA crooks are blow things out of proportion, and, after all, like you and me, Cienfuegos is an elderly senior who doesn’t deserve to be in jail.

— First off, tell me: Have you supported Joe Biden?

— No, not until you say when.

— Good. That SOB stole the elections and I want to know that I can count on your support if I am reappointed by the people as POTUS.

— You got it!

— Then, you’ve got it too, buddy. But, listen, can you help me with the 32 properties I lost in Cancun. Your Mexican peers swindled me.

— Just give Cienfuegos back and I promise you, there’ll be Trump Towers from Tijuana to Yucatan.

— Secretary.

— Yes, Mr. President.

— Get me Bill Barr.

…Nov. 24, 2020

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