Don’t judge a man

by his shopping choice.

But here’s where

I dare

To opine with voice:

Why so many onions?

Are you on a frying spree?

And, wow, that’s a lot toilet paper.

Leave some rolls for me.

This shampoo is awful,

Therefore half the price.

And good luck opening up

That burlap bag of rice.

Who buys watermelon during winter?

You must be a wealthy chap.

And, hey, a faux fur throw?

Are you the sort to nap?

Jumbo bottles of omega three;

Perhaps you’ll live forever.

Bathing suits in December?

A jet-setting Costco member.

A dozen bestselling thrillers,

Plus an Apple watch on order.

I’m so busy minding your business,

The Costco purchase reporter.