Since You Asked…

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Dear Caroline,

For the second time in our 10-year marriage, I discovered that my husband is posting his profile on dating apps. To be completely honest, I snooped on his online activity. It’s obvious he’s looking for women.

We’re both mature people (55+), and we’ve both been married before. The first time I had trouble with this behavior was back when we were newlyweds. At that time, we went to a counselor in our church, and my husband cried and made a dedication to me, promising he’d stop. Clearly, he’s not honoring that intention. I have been crying off and on for days. I don’t know what to do.


Dear Miserable,

My instincts tell me that when it comes to fidelity, this man is a lost cause.

I also suspect there are more issues lurking beneath the surface. When men stray, they’re afraid to talk to their partners openly.

Odds are he’ll tell you that you are imagining things, blame you for his behavior or say he’s sorry and beg for forgiveness. Since you’ve already gone down that road, his promises to change will probably be short-term. When it comes to a wandering spouse, past behavior tends to foreshadow future behavior.

Your husband had a choice. He didn’t choose loyalty. Unless you’re pulling the wool over your own eyes, that’s all you need to know. If you’re still having doubts, take a step back and think about what you’d advise your sister, your daughter or a close friend to do in this situation.

I’m sorry you’re suffering, but the sooner you look at everything clearly, the sooner you’ll make a hard decision that will ultimately leave you better off.

Yours in resilience and resolve,


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