Since You Asked…

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Dear Caroline,

I’m 19-years-old, living at home and going to pharmacy school. About four months ago, I started dating a guy in my class. He’s handsome, smart, funny, polite and treats me like gold. I think he might be “The One.” Everyone in my family really likes him, but there’s one problem. Like me, he lives with his parents but has never taken me home to meet them. Every time I suggest it, he comes up with some random excuses.

I’m attractive and I come from a good family, yet, based on how he’s acting, I’m starting to think he’s ashamed of me. This is confusing, and it makes me feel terrible, yet I don’t know how to confront him.

What do you think?

…Crying at Night

Dear Crying,

Have you ever stopped to think that instead of hiding you from his family, he might be hiding his family from you?

Many great people come from troubled or unusual homes, and there may be problems, behaviors, situations or family members that he doesn’t think you’ll easily accept or understand.

Find a quiet time when you’re both alone and tell him, very calmly and kindly, that your family thinks he’s wonderful and that you’re starting to wonder when you’ll get to meet his. If he says something random, it’s time for you to be direct. Say, “That sounds like an excuse. It’s time we talk about what’s really going on.”

If he tells you about serious problems in his home, be understanding, but don’t sweep everything he says under the rug. Whenever you’re in a relationship, it’s best to take the whole picture into consideration. Four months is a very short courtship, and you’re still very young at 19. You have all the time in the world to find “The One.”

Meanwhile, I also think it’s time for you to do some serious soul-searching about why you immediately concluded that this situation, which may have many explanations, was your fault. Blaming yourself is a habit you’d be best served to outgrow.

Wishing you both happiness and promising futures.


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