By CAROLINE SPOSTO

Dear Caroline,

I met the perfect guy during a trip to Tulum last spring. We hit it off and had a great week. Since then, we’ve traveled to see each other a few times and we text a lot. I think about him all the time. I keep dropping hints that I want the relationship to move forward — meaning we’ll only see each other and spend more time together.

He doesn’t pick up on those hints. In fact, when I asked him point blank if I should see other people, he told me he didn’t want to hold me back.

This is a frustrating situation because he checks all the boxes: He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s got a great personality and our chemistry is off the charts.

Sometimes we text for hours, other times I don’t hear from him for days.

I know he’s “the one,” but these ups and downs are driving me crazy. What can I do to get him on track?

…Obsessed

 

Dear Obsessed,

He may have lots of great qualities, but his nonchalance and your intensity are a mismatch.

Don’t blame him. Blame Cupid’s bad aim. Love’s arrow often hits one person and misses the other.

While you’re busy checking your phone, slipping his name into conversations and longing to see him, he’s going on his merry way.

Obsessive love has a way of growing in someone’s absence because the empty space leaves plenty of room for daydreaming and mystery unraveling.

Instead of focusing on this man’s qualities, step back and think about how he makes you feel most of the time. Here’s a hint: You used the words “crazy” and “obsessed” in your letter.

When you truly find “the one,” he’ll make you feel secure and happy instead.

Time to take the blinders off and let this guy’s lease for space in your brain expire. Next, sit down and do a little reverse engineering.

Write down some of the ways your ideal man would make you feel. I imagine your list will include words like secure, desirable, smart and exciting.

That’s the man you ought to be looking for. He’s out there; he might even be hiding in plain sight.

Best wishes,

Caroline

Do you have a problem that’s been on your mind for a while? Send your questions to: questionforcaroline@gmail.com.